Ignore father's comment that it is bad luck to keep a Christmas tree up after Epiphany (January 6)
Wait until the tree (a live one) is good and dry.
Decide that *this garbage day* is the day that the tree goes to the curb. Don't tell wife you're going to take the tree down.
Remove ornaments (fortunately this was done a while ago)
Go down to base of tree and unscrew the screws holding the tree to its stand.
Discover that the lower boughs of the tree have inexplicably drooped, and to access said stand, you have to shove your arm through several dry, coniferous branches.
Unscrew screw (repeat four times)
Taking tree firmly by its trunk, lift it from the floor with a tremendous jerk, sending needles scattering all over the floor.
Move tree aside. Wonder where the stand is.
Realize stand is still attached to said tree.
Set tree down.
Undo screws some more (repeat four times)
Stand up and, standing on the stand this time, give tree a tremendous jerk, sending needles scattering all over the floor.
Wonder why the tree is still attached to the stand.
Set tree down, undo screws some more (repeat four times)
Curse profusely when tree falls on you.
Stand up, set tree right, and pull tree free.
Discover that netting that came with the tree is tangled in the stand. The stand is now free, but upended, and being dragged along the floor. Discover also that this dry tree was still standing in a bowl of water, which is also now on the floor.
Curse profusely some more.
Pull stand free and take tree to the front door.
Discover that tree has inexplicably widened, and will no longer fit through the front door.
Brush snow off my rapidly freezing backside. Lug tree to the curb. Toss it down.
Watch in horror as tree, which has been the heaviest thing you've carried since getting out of the gym that morning, is caught by the wind like a sail and rolls across the driveway, hitting the neighbours car.