A Letter of Apology to the Mercedes Benz in the Next Lane that I Dinged with a Rubber Duckie

No, this actually hasn’t happened, yet, but…

My little Vivian has reached the stage where she flings stuff. This is, I’m told, natural. Even though it seems decidedly ill-mannered, you can tell that she just doesn’t know better. If she’s feeling a little cranky, and she’s finished playing with whatever it is she plays with (rubber duckies, foam blocks, et cetera), it gets tossed. And I cannot help but be impressed at the distance she’s been able to achieve on her tosses.

In a slightly related matter, Erin hasn’t ridden in the front passenger seat all that often since Vivian was born. That’s because Vivian is where she should be: strapped into her car seat in the back, facing backwards. Vivian is not happy about this arrangement, so if Erin is in the car (and I’m driving), she rides in the back so she can keep Vivian entertained. This makes Erin more prone to car sickness, and the only way we have to deal with car sickness, other than Gravol (which would be a mistake), is to open the car window.

With that in mind, I figure I should pen the following, so I have it handy in case I need it:

An Open Letter of Apology to the Mercedes Benz in the Next Lane that I Accidentally Dinged with a Rubber Duckie

Dear Sir,

I want to say that it was not my intention to startle you with a rubber duckie bouncing off your windshield. I fully understand that this may have been traumatic for you, as I myself have been hit on the head with rubber duckies on more than one occasion.

But, about the dirty look you gave me; it seems to suggest that somehow I deliberately assaulted your vehicle with a rubber duck. Please rest assured that it this is not the case. The culprit in this case — though culprit is the wrong word, for she is innocent — is my daughter Vivian. The duckie was hers. It is her favourite, though her love for it is fickle, and combines sometimes with a throwing arm that is remarkably strong for a 10-month-old. Ah, the wild exuberance of infants! You understand.

But, then again, I don’t get out much any more. Maybe you do. Maybe you have seen it all. Maybe you’ve seen drivers fling rubber duckie at those who cut them off. Maybe it’s some special code to tell offending drivers to not duck in and out of lanes. Maybe that’s why you misconstrued this accident. But whatever the case, please rest assured that Vivian’s ducky flinging wasn’t personal. And at least she didn’t fling a wooden block.

Yours regretfully,
James Bow, Father

PS: Please contact me to arrange the return of Vivian’s favourite duckie. It is missed.

PPS: I also I truly and deeply apologize for the baby droll that splattered your windshield.

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