"This is not the way to get healthy!" (or secure)


Through Nunc Scio, I learn that government officials within the Department of Homeland Security have expressed an interest in a ‘safety bracelet’.

This bracelet, which would theoretically be required wearing by all airline passengers, would take the place of your airline boarding pass, contain your personal information and allow the airlines to monitor where each individual passenger was in relation to his or her luggage.

Oh, and it would contain a small taser that would discharge, immobilizing the wearer, if said wearer was acting suspicious during a hostage situation. (Supposedly this would remain inactive until a hostage situation triggered a particular protocol)

Other websites in the blogosphere have picked this up, with libertarians going on about the erosion of our personal freedoms, but I think that these people aren’t looking at the big picture here. More than just stopping hijackers in their tracks, this could be a whole new revenue model that would pull our beleaguered airlines out of their spiral of bankruptcy.

Here’s how: give individual passengers access to the electronic bracelet from a keypad on their armrest. Charge them a dollar for each press of the button.

Child in the row behind you kicking the back of the seat? Zap!

Obnoxious lady complaining about the food? Zap!

Man with questionable hygene snoring and drooling on your shoulder? Zap!

Hey, give a discount for frequent flyers, or make it free for first class, somebody like Dave would pay to upgrade. And if the whole shock thing turns into an episode from the first season of The Simpsons, so much the better: sell the security tapes to Fox!

Libertarians should step aside and let the market rule, so that the private airline companies can find new revenue streams to pull themselves out of their financial woes. It’s capitalism, and it’s good for America!

Okay, sarcasm off now. I am ashamed to say that the security company involved in this venture is Canadian.

I’ll make this very simple for anybody considering this measure: if it becomes established, I will not, ever, fly again. It’s the car or the train for me, forevermore. Anybody who wants to put an electronic bracelet on me which might cause me debilitating pain can go to hell with one of these things around their neck.

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