By James Bow

Still fighting off a cold. Still climbing out through the laundry (but almost done, now). In the meantime, here’s a little bit of flash fiction.

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It was one of those mornings when every step had to be carefully itemized in order to prevent things from getting missed.

1. Wake up.
2. Rub hand over eyes.
3. Wish I was dead.
4. Motivate myself to get up.
5. Motivate myself some more.
6. Remind myself that if I don’t show up to work today, I may well be fired.
7. Get up.
8. Stumble into shower.
9. Pick myself up off of shower floor.
10. Turn water on.
11. Adjust temperature to comfort.
12. Lather up and soap.
13. Rinse.
14. Turn water off.
15. Get out of shower.
16. Dry self off.
17. Return to bedroom and get dressed
    a. put on underwear
    b. put on undershirt
    c. put on shirt
    d. put on tie
    e. put on socks
18. Head downstairs.
19. Put water on to boil.
20. Spoon out one teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
21. Spoon out another teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
22. Spoon out another teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
23. Spoon out another teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
24. Spoon out another teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
25. Consider the length of the coming working day.
26. Spoon out another teaspoon of coffee beans into coffee grinder.
27. Grind coffee.
28. Dump coffee grinds into coffee press.
29. Pour boiling water into coffee press.
30. Make coffee.
31. Pour coffee.
32. Add milk.
33. Drink.
34. Savour.
35. Ahhhhhhh!
36. Savour
37. Ahhhhhhh!
38. Note time.
39. Run to front door. Put on shoes.
40. Stumble outside.
41. Lock up.
42. Walk to the bus stop.
43. Wait for the bus.
44. Wonder why people are staring at me.
45. Realize.
46. Head home.
47. Unlock front door.
48. Take off shoes.
49. Head to bedroom.
50. Put on pants.

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A Short Story on Unresolved Sexual Tension

“Hey, Scully?”

“Yes, Mulder?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m whittlin’.”

“What are you whittlin’?”

“I’m making a cluebat.”