So, it’s the twenty-fifth annual “Roll Up the Rim to Win” contest at Tim Hortons, where Canada’s most popular donut franchise gives out special coffee cups with prizes written in under the paper rim. This year, being the twenty-fifth anniversary, there are supposedly more prizes, and the odds of winning something are supposedly one cup in every six.
However, I have drunk twelve cups of Tim Horton’s coffee in as many days, and how many prizes have I won? Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nadda. Zippo. You get the idea.
But I figure, I must be performing a useful service. Because of me, those are twelve fewer coffee cups out there for people to down, and then mutilate in preparation for their ultimate disappointment. Thanks to me, your odds winning prizes from Tim Horton’s has gone up.
Which means I think you owe me a car.