One Day, at the Vanity Plates Division of the Ontario Ministry of Transportation


CLIENT: “Hey, is this where you get vanity plates?”

ATTENDANT: “Yes, sir! How can I help you?”

CLIENT: “Well, I’m a big Toronto Maple Leafs fan, and I want a license plate that says, ‘LEAFS’!”

ATTENDANT: (checks computer) “I’m sorry, sir. Someone’s already taken that one. Would you like to choose another?”

CLIENT: “What?! But I want my license plate to say ‘LEAFS’! Um… What if I replace the S with Z?”

ATTENDANT: “‘LEAFZ’? Okay…” (checks computer) “Sorry, sir. That’s taken too.”

CLIENT: “Aw, damn! Um… Okay, what if we go with the ‘LEAFS’, but substitute the letter E for a number 3?’

ATTENDANT: “So, you want ‘L3AFS’.” (sighs) “Okay…” (checks computer) “Nope. That’s taken as well.”

CLIENT: “Gee! Who knew there were so many Leafs fans in Toronto?”

ATTENDANT: “That’s the way it goes, sir. First come, first served.”

CLIENT: “But there must be something I can do?”

ATTENDANT: “Well, sir, you seem to be the long-suffering type. Don’t give up. Try again.”

CLIENT: (thinks hard) “I got it! Stick with the the E for 3 substitution and switch out the S for a Z again!”


CLIENT: “Yeah! Go on! Give it a check on your computer, there!”

ATTENDANT: (checks computer) “Well, how about that. That one’s free!”

CLIENT: (fist pumps) “YES!!”

ATTENDANT: “All right, I’ll enter the requisition. You go over to the cashier to pay.” (CLIENT walks off) “Next!”

CLIENT #2: (Wearing a Leafs’ jersey) “Hey, is this where you get vanity plates?”

ATTENDANT: “Aw, crap!”

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