Phone Conversation During the Pandemic


Phone rings. I pick it up.

Me: "James Bow speaking."

(Long pause, then) Caller: "Hello. Can I speak to the computer user of this house?"

Me (knowing full well where this is going): "Suuuuuure."

(Pause) Caller: "Hello. I am calling from Microsoft and I am sorry to say that we have detected an error on your computer."

Me (thinking, "I wonder how long I can string this along, like those other guys in those videos I've seen. They keep thes guys tied up for hours!"): Oh?

(Pause) Caller: "We have been trying to install updates on your computer to fix this problem, and have sent you alerts for two weeks with no response. Have you not received these alerts, sir? If you could just go to your computer, sir and--"

Me (thinking, "Nah, I don't have the improvisational skills to pull it off"): "Well, one reason you may be having trouble there is because I have a Mac."

(Sudden silence)

(Line goes dead)

Me (checks watch): Well, I kept that guy nattering on unproductively for two minutes. I guess that's a start. (hangs up)

(The image above is by Stomchak and is used in accordance with its Creative Commons Copyright).

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